One of the major challenges of parents today is that they are afraid to discipline their children. Discipline tools used in previous generations, such as spanking, are considered inappropriate by most modern parents. However, many of those modern parents haven’t found new tools to replace the old ones, and their fear of inappropriate discipline is so deep that they don’t discipline at all.

Most of today’s parents grew up in households that were much stricter than the households they are running now. Many of us were spanked and punished on a daily basis. Many of us feel we could never do the same to our own children. But when we can’t follow the model that our own parents have shown us, it is up to us to find other effective ways to discipline our children. How do we do it differently while still setting clear boundaries for our children?

Many parents seem to think that if they love their children enough, and show that love, their children would eventually listen to them and respect their rules. But parenting doesn’t work this way. In fact, one the best parenting tips I can give you, one that I have learned the hard way, is the following:

Children need clear boundaries, and they will always test those boundaries before they are able to respect them. They want parents to have control, but they want them to EARN the right to have that control.

The only way to earn that right is to discipline, fearlessly and appropriately.

I used to be one of those parents who ignored the discipline issue. I was too busy with my career to stop and think about what was going on in my family. My parental expectations were not very clear, and I didn’t have a uniform method to enforce them. Instead of stepping back to reflect, I focused on short-term survival. The result: daily pressures had severely eroded our mutual respect and understanding. Positive communication between family members was almost non-existent.

Creating our Family Constitution – a clear set of family values and rules, and consistent ways to enforce them through a system of rewards and consequences – solved our family problems and relieved our family tension by adding structure, clarity and consistency to our lives. You are welcome to read more about our Family’s Constitution, and create your own, here.

Photo by Corey Ann