Family structure in the United States has changed dramatically during the 20th century. Families have become much smaller, childhood has been extended into the late teens or beyond, and children, who used to become wage earners at a very early age, are now the focus of their parents’ investment, emotionally and financially.

Families have also moved from a strictly patriarchal structure to a more flexible pattern, where the mother and father are both heads of the household. As a result, the family decision-making process has changed from individual to joint decisions.

But does “joint decisions” mean that children should become part of the family’s decision making process too? Should the modern family function as a democracy?

My short answer is “No.”

Certainly children today are being heard, and respected, more than ever before. In my own family, for example, we hold weekly family meetings where we encourage input from all family members, including the children. When I crafted our family’s constitution [link to your home page], the children’s input was a big part of the process. In fact, listening to our children and including them in the process are a big part of the constitution’s success in finally bringing structure to our household and solving our family problems.

Having said that, I don’t believe families – even modern families – should function as democracies. As I explain in my book, in my own family, “kids share ideas, not authority.” We encourage our children to share their ideas and opinions. We are very open to their input. But the final decision is always ours. I believe children need boundaries and guidance in order to flourish. When given too much power, they become confused and scared.

Children need boundaries in order to grow safely and reach their full potential. Parents need boundaries in order to be able to enjoy their children while meeting their own needs. The Constitutional Way of parenting, as described in my book, harnesses kids’ energy and ideas, rather than dismissing their opinions. But the boundaries – set by us parents – are always there.

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Scott Gale’s book, Your Family Constitution, offers useful parenting tips to help you create a happier, healthier and more productive home life.

Photo credit: evilerin

This entry was posted on Sunday, July 12th, 2009 at 1:00 am and is filed under Modern Family. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.