We recently discussed two common parenting styles and saw why they don’t work. While parenting the easy way teaches kids that they can get away with anything, parenting the hard way is extremely damaging to the parent-child relationship.

Today I’d like to suggest parenting the constitutional way as the best solution for the modern family.

Parenting the constitutional way means parenting through structure. You can think of it as a middle way between the easy way and the hard way. The easy way gives too much weight to kid’s wants and opinions. The hard way dismisses them altogether. But the constitutional way of parenting harnesses kids’ energy and ideas and makes them partners in creating a clear set of rules and expectations for the family, and a clear set of rewards and consequences for enforcing them.

Note that I said “partners” and not “equal partners.” Kids are kids, and parents are parents – while the kids’ input is welcome and is always taken into consideration, the parents are the ones making and enforcing the rules. The constitutional way of parenting does not mean turning the family into a democracy, but it does mean improving family relationships and creating a system that encourages cooperation and enhances mutual respect and open communication.

The constitutional way of parenting means that there’s no need for children to use meltdowns and temper tantrums to achieve what they want. The Family Constitution lists their rights clearly, so the constant need to negotiate for more disappears. Children in constitutional households also know that tantrums would get them nowhere, so they don’t even try to use those.

The constitutional way of parenting also means that there’s no need for parents to use severe punishments or threats, since the Family Constitution clearly lists the rewards and consequences for the children’s actions. Instead of threatening, parents can simply follow the constitution and assign the appropriate reward or the consequence to their child’s action.

Photo by Steve Polyak