Sometimes I think parents in past generations had it much easier. It’s not that I’m naïve: I realize how lucky our generation is, especially in the Western world, to be surrounded by technology and conveniences which were unimaginable just a couple of generations ago.

But in other ways, I think our lives are much harder – certainly more complicated. Modern life is extremely fast paced, and technology makes the pace increasingly faster. It seems as though we forgot what leisure was all about.

Technology was supposed to create more leisure time, but instead, many people are using it to accomplish more work. In addition, economic turbulence in recent years and the steady rise in standard of living – and the need to maintain it – means that more and more families, including my own, are dual income families. This obviously creates even more pressure.

My own family has reached an extremely low point just a couple of years ago. Our family relationships were incredibly stressed. Our communication was almost non-existent. I am proud to say that I refused to let it go on. I forced myself to slow down and really examine my family relationships. I didn’t like what I saw, and I vowed to make a change.

Creating a Family Constitution enabled me to make that change, and to keep it. I have learned to slow down, to spend time with my family, and to create a structure of rules, rewards and consequences that erases the need for constant negotiating, arguing and whining.

Yes, modern parents are overworked and overtired, but we can still slow down a bit, take some of the pressure off ourselves and our kids, simplify our lives, and – above all – add some much needed clarity and structure through a Family Constitution.

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Family structure in the United States has changed dramatically during the 20th century. Families have become much smaller, childhood has been extended into the late teens or beyond, and children, who used to become wage earners at a very early age, are now the focus of their parents’ investment, emotionally and financially.

Families have also moved from a strictly patriarchal structure to a more flexible pattern, where the mother and father are both heads of the household. As a result, the family decision-making process has changed from individual to joint decisions.

But does “joint decisions” mean that children should become part of the family’s decision making process too? Should the modern family function as a democracy?

My short answer is “No.”

Certainly children today are being heard, and respected, more than ever before. In my own family, for example, we hold weekly family meetings where we encourage input from all family members, including the children. When I crafted our family’s constitution [link to your home page], the children’s input was a big part of the process. In fact, listening to our children and including them in the process are a big part of the constitution’s success in finally bringing structure to our household and solving our family problems.

Having said that, I don’t believe families – even modern families – should function as democracies. As I explain in my book, in my own family, “kids share ideas, not authority.” We encourage our children to share their ideas and opinions. We are very open to their input. But the final decision is always ours. I believe children need boundaries and guidance in order to flourish. When given too much power, they become confused and scared.

Children need boundaries in order to grow safely and reach their full potential. Parents need boundaries in order to be able to enjoy their children while meeting their own needs. The Constitutional Way of parenting, as described in my book, harnesses kids’ energy and ideas, rather than dismissing their opinions. But the boundaries – set by us parents – are always there.

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Scott Gale’s book, Your Family Constitution, offers useful parenting tips to help you create a happier, healthier and more productive home life.

Photo credit: evilerin

“What’s in it for me?”

Any beginning marketer will tell you this is a question you absolutely must answer in order to get people to respond to you.

Sadly, it seems our children are asking the same question. Instead of asking, “how can I help?” they want to know what’s in it for them. Instead of accepting responsibilities that are a natural part of belonging to a family, they try to avoid being responsible and instead employ a “me first” approach to life.

As parents, a big part of our job is to make sure our kids get rid of their sense of entitlement. We must instill values, respect for the truth, confidence and a sense of responsibility in our children.

This is not an easy task. Most modern families sorely lack time. Modern life is fast-paced. Parents work many hours to provide for their families; kids’ schedules are busier than ever with school, homework, and after-school activities. Slowing down, sitting together and communicating – all keys to a happier family life – seem almost unachievable.

Another big challenge of the modern family is lack of structure. Families used to be patriarchal, and very structured. Rules were very clear: each family member used to have a clearly defined role in the family, a set of responsibilities and obligations that had to be followed.

While I wouldn’t want to go back in time to the way families used to be – for instance, I think fathers really missed out in previous generations when they were uninvolved in their kids lives – I do believe structure is extremely important to a healthy, functioning family.

My own family problems, and my own struggle to instill values in my kids in an age of entitlement, have resulted in “Your Family Constitution”: a down-to-earth, practical parenting guide that offers a modern approach to instilling family values and creating household structure, consistent boundaries and family harmony.

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Scott Gale’s book, Your Family Constitution, offers parenting tips to help you create a happier, healthier and more productive home life.

Photo credit: sugarpond