The habits we have make a difference in the people that we are and will become. This is especially true for kids. Unfortunately, good habits take a long time to develop and bad habits take a long time to break. So, what is a busy parent to do to help their kids develop solid working habits while managing their own adult habits.

I’ll answer with three words…CLARITY, CONSISTENCY AND COMMITMENT. It takes a lot more of your time to manage your kids work and productivity on a day-to-day basis. Although each kids is different, setting standard times to do homework and establishing clear performance expectations will take some of the pressure to stand over their shoulder.

Once the schedule and expectations are understood, nurture the habit by having goals with both rewards and consequences based on performance. Kids identify with “what’s in it for me”, so be creative and think of a couple of “carrots” to reward them with, as well as some negative consequences that will steer them in the right direction.

Setting good fundamental habits does not excuse you as a parent from lending help and being part of the teaching process. Make sure they understand that you are there to answer questions, but not to micro manage their efforts or to do their work for them. Teach them good study habits, memorization tricks, and time management techniques. Work with them until they embrace the tools to be successful (or create their own), then manage academic results and give yourself a break from arguing with a child each day about homework because he or she lacks a set schedule or understanding of what you want and expect.

If you want some ideas on different rewards and consequences you can use or want to find out more about a parenting tool to help you infuse clarity, consistency and commitment into all aspects of your home life, please visit www.yourfamilyconstitution.com.

Regular family meetings are a great way to strengthen family relationships, bring your family closer and keep communication open.

If you adopt just one thing from my family guide, I suggest you adopt the weekly family meeting.

A weekly family meeting gives busy family members an opportunity to get together, reconnect, and discuss family-related issues. If your family decided to create a Family Constitution, the family meeting is also a good time for recognizing achievements and addressing concerns.

It’s always a good idea to schedule the family meeting for the same night each week, and to treat it like you treat a business meeting – with respect. Stick to it, and avoid canceling or rescheduling unless you absolutely have to. Expect the same level of respect from other family members as you show.

The family meeting need not be formal. It should be an event the family is looking forward to, so it needs to be short, fun and casual. Start with dinner – make it a fun dinner such as “make your own pizza.” Follow with the meeting, and finish with a family board game.

Remember that everyone should be heard during the meeting. Even the youngest children should have an opportunity to speak their minds and bring up any concern or idea they might have. However, as discussed before, while everyone gets the right to speak up, only Mom and Dad have the right to make the final decision. A family should respect its kids and listen to them, but a family should not be a democracy.

A typical family meeting at our house includes a brief discussion about family business, such as issues and proposals, followed by weekly planning of family dinners and events. We then review the weekly checklist and assign rewards and consequences as appropriate, and finish with “family fun” – either playing games at home or going out for dinner or to a movie.

Photo by woordenaar

When family members don’t talk with each other anymore, family is in trouble.

It may seem like it’s impossible for family members not to talk with each other. After all, we all live in the same house and see each other every single day. But one of the modern family’s big problems is that although people live in the same house, they are so busy doing their own thing, and their life becomes so chaotic, that they never find the time to just talk.

My family used to be like that. My wife and I are working professionals. Our kids are involved in many extra-curricular activities. The busier we all got, the less time we had to effectively communicate with each other or to set a clear system of rules and expectations, and effective tools for enforcing them. We were constantly in survival mode, never taking the time to look at the big picture and add some much-needed structure to the family chaos.  

Effective communication enabled my family to function again. My family now thrives under our Family Constitution. But the first step to establishing that Constitution was communicating with my children and with my wife. I started by having the conversation with my wife that we should have made time for years ago. We shared our fundamental parenting objectives. We talked about our views on role modeling, encouragement and discipline. We put together a clear vision for our family that we could both support.

Next, I talked with my children. We talked, and I listened, like I have never listened before. We talked about family issues; about things they would like to change. We discussed issues such as chores, rewards and consequences. Our Family Constitution works, because my children’s input was an integral part of its content.

We now maintain our open communication by having a weekly family meeting. The weekly family meeting is our way to make sure we make time to discuss issues, recognize problems, acknowledge achievements, and in general stay connected.

Click here to learn more about my approach to relieving family tension and solving common family problems.

Photo by meemal